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| Her self-described happiest moment. |
If you are triggered by sad stories or the topic of suicide, skip this post. This is just such a story about a friend, near and dear to my heart.
It was 36 years ago today on February 21, 1989 that my dearest friend in the whole wide world committed suicide. Her name was AnneLynn. I remember her every year on this day and if truth be told sometimes every day. While I accept it, I have never gotten over her suicide.
The year was 1989. I had last heard from her in a Christmas card where she said she needed some time and space away from people and cats. (She cared for three indoor Abyssinians and a whole tassel of outdoor strays.) In her letter she quipped, "this season may kill me." I took it as hyperbole but made a mental note to give her some space. That was in December. She killed herself two months later.
I was so young, a sophomore in college and she was much older than I and yet my world revolved around our friendship. She was the first person in my life who I felt saw me and with whom I connected on a deeply spiritual level. I miss her every day but most of all, on this day.
I watch a popular movie staring Robin Williams every year on this day, "What Dreams May Come" and I think of her.
In the movie "What Dreams May Come," Chris Nielsen's wife, Annie, commits suicide after struggling with the loss of their children. Chris, who has already died and gone to heaven, learns that Annie is in hell, a realm created by her own pain and despair. Determined to rescue her, Chris embarks on a perilous journey to hell, guided by his friend Albert.
Chris's descent into hell is a an emotionally harrowing experience. He navigates through a dark and twisted landscape, confronting the manifestations of Annie's anguish. He eventually finds her in a catatonic state, trapped in her self-created prison of sorrow.
Despite the warnings that no one can leave hell, Chris refuses to give up. He uses his love and memories of their life together to try and reach Annie, to break through the walls of her despair. In a climactic moment, Chris makes a profound choice: he decides to stay with Annie in hell, accepting her fate, rather than live without her in heaven. This act of selfless love ultimately breaks through Annie's despair, allowing her to recognize Chris and escape hell with him.
I don't believe that the loving God I have come to know sends people who suicide to hell but I do believe that people who suicide are sometimes living in a kind of a hell and can't find their way out of it.
If when I die I discover she is in hell. Then I will go there myself to rescue her and if I can't rescue her, I will stay with her. Until then I remember, I pray, and I lean on the compassion and love of my God.
