Br'er Abbot

A little bit about my nickname "Br'er Abbot"...

It was given to me years ago by Bishop Eugene Tyrsson SilverWolf Kyle a dear friend and brother of our religious order. It came about as a play on words from the old children stories of Br'er Rabbit (Brother Rabbit) and because I was the abbot of our order and he knew of my affinity for Saint Melangell, the patron saint of hares.

What he couldn't have known was my love of the Br'er Rabbit stories and the Disney movie the Song of the South. These stories were made popular in the United States by Joel Chandler Harris, though he wasn't the first to publish them.

They were based upon the continental African people's folktales and subsequently the derivative folktales of the enslaved Africans of the Americas. They were my first introduction to liberation theology, though I didn't know that at the time.

I grew up in a deeply racist family and these folksy tales helped me struggle against learned generational racism and to start to discover a different world around me and a different way of being at an early age. Those folktales and stories would inform and thus shape my world, political, spiritual, and emotional view for the rest of my life.

To this day I still treasure the memory of those books. For good or bad, right or wrong, they helped make me who I am today and I treasure my dear brother's nickname that he gave me all those years ago. I am humbled and grateful.

+Br'er Abbot

Daydreaming About Clouds

I've been listening to Joni Mitchell a lot recently. She soothes my soul in these troubled times. She's absolutely one of my favorite artists and has been since my college days when a paramour of mine with long blonde hair, not unlike Joni's hair in her younger years, introduced me to her.

I have so many favorite songs of Joni's but one of my most favorite songs, especially as I get older, is Both Sides Now. It starts out talking about daydreaming about clouds and I know something about daydreaming about clouds.

When I first started elementary school, every day at recess at I would sit under a tree and watch the clouds drift by. Wanting to get away from playground bullies, I would imagine what it might be like to stand upon a cloud and float away.

I longed to get away from the meanness of the class bullies. I wanted to get away from a family that was at best, alien to me and at worst, abusive at times. I dreamed of building a house in the clouds and staying safe up there in the sunshine and the moonshine. I really thought I could walk and climb on clouds! The only problem I couldn't figure out was getting up there in the first place. That eluded me but I looked at clouds that way for a long time. I really didn't know clouds at all.

Both Sides Now by Joni Mitchell

Rows and floes of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
Looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and they snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way

I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way that you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
I've looked at love that way

But now it's just another show
And you leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away

I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take and still somehow
It's love's illusions that I recall
I really don't know love
I really don't know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say, "I love you, " right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I've looked at life that way

Oh, but now old friends, they're acting strange
And they shake their heads and they tell me that I've changed
Well, something's lost, but something's gained
In living every day
I've looked at life from both sides now

From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all
It's life's illusions that I recall
I really don't know life

I really don't know life at all 

Reflecting on My Ordination to the Priesthood on the Feast of Saint Melangell

An Icon of Saint Melangell created on the Island of Mull by the monks of Mull Monastery.

 A blessed Feast of Saint Melangell to you and yours in this year of our Lord two thousand and twenty-four!

It was nineteen years ago today that I became a priest within the Free Catholic tradition. I was ordained to the Holy Priesthood by Archbishop Robert M. Bowman and Bishop Larry Cameron, of the United Catholic Church, on May 27, 2005, the Feast of Saint Melangell. The ordination took place at Shepherd of the Hills Episcopal Church, the church of my baptism and confirmation, surrounded by friends, family, and members of my ministry from the four corners of the country.

In many ways it seems like a lifetime ago and in some ways it seems like just yesterday.  The experience of the passing of time is odd, especially as one ages.  The ebb and flow of time seems to move as it will, where it will; collecting in reflective pools of memories, or perhaps murky swamps of vague recollections, and sometimes dangerous riptides of regret.

When I first began to sense my calling, I immediately told my mentor and friend, Fr. James Martin, an Episcopal priest of blessed memory.  His initial response was "what took you so long to figure that out?!"  Before I would start my discernment process for the priesthood he gave me some good advice.  He said, "Brian, if you can do anything else with your life, go do it and don't become a priest. Only follow this path if you absolutely cannot turn away from it."   He knew first hand that the priesthood was not for the faint of heart and that it was simultaneously a heartbreaking and heart-healing vocation.

While I thank God for my calling, I still question God sometimes why He called me and why He wouldn't let me go.  I also thank God for my mentorship and friendship with Fr. Martin, who was one of the most Godly men I have ever encountered.

I am a terrible priest and that is not false humility, just a simple reality.  Too often I fail and I am strong willed when it comes to listening to the gentle call of the Holy Spirit.  More than I care to admit, I want things my own way without a thought for what God wants for me and sadly, sometimes I allow my passions and ego rule my life instead of giving myself over to the simple obedience and grace of Christ. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to my priesthood.

There's a traditional prayer to God and Saint Melangell whenever one sees a hare hopping about, "May God and St. Melangell save thee and may a thousand angels guide your steps!"

A self-indulgent prayer for myself on this auspicious day: May God and St. Melangell save this Br'er Abbot and may a thousand angels guide my steps!